Photo By Alan Light via public-domain pictures
For extra immersion, click the links as they appear. But do it with your middle mouse button so it doesn’t take you off the page. If you’re doing it right, you should have an annoying amount of tabs open by the end.
Jerry: Tell me George, whats the deal with ISIS?
George: I dunno Jerry, but I’m telling you, its the tops! Ever since people started hating Muslims again I’ve been getting in good with the ladies. Turns out nowadays Jews aren’t the most hated group of people.
*Elaine bursts into the apartment*
Elaine: Oh man, you wont believe how bad of a date I just went on.
Jerry: What happened? I thought you said you liked this guy?
Elaine: That was before today. So we went back to his place, and it was all good fun till we went into his room. Then I saw it. My little pony dolls on shelves covering an entire wall.
Jerry: My little pony?
Elaine: Yeah, apparently its a sexual thing too. As I later found out..
George: Good Lord, so what happened? Did you let him? You know..
Elaine: Oh no, definitely not. I left after he tried to name one after me.
Jerry: You know what? I’m done with this conversation. You guys wanna catch a movie?
*Jerry grabs his coat off the rack*
George: Thank God! Anyways I heard Ant-Man was good.
Elaine: Really? I hate Paul Rudd. He can’t seem to ever change his hair.
George: You’re kidding me right? His hair’s gorgeous, why would he change it?
Elaine: Well any hair at all’s gonna look good to you..
*George looks shocked and touches his balding head*
Jerry: All right, all right. Knock it off. Let’s go with whatever has the best review on Rotten Tomatoes. We can check on the cab ride over.
*Jerry opens the door and everyone leaves*
*Jerry, George and Elaine are on the cab ride home*
Jerry: I can’t believe you talked us into watching the new Terminator movie! Look! Look at how happy those people walking out of Ant-Man are!
*Jerry points to the mass of people leaving the theater*
George: What can I say? I changed my mind, it looked good in the previews!
Jerry: Ahhh! You never trust the previews! Remember when we watched “1000 Ways to Die in the West” because you saw an ad on Youtube?
George: I thought it was a good movie!
Jerry: No! it wasn’t! All the funny parts were in the trailer! It was only made so that Seth MacFarlane and Neil Patrick Harris could see who was less flamboyant on camera!
Elaine: I thought Terminator was pretty good.
George: Thank you! See? Someone takes my side for once!
Elaine: I thought they should’ve replaced Arnold though. He’s getting a bit old. I hate this new trend where people write new scripts for old actors and have them play the exact same roll they did back in the the 80’s/90’s.
Jerry: Thank you!
*George looks off in the distance and has a realization*
George: What do you think this is? Someone’s obviously writing a script for fan-fiction or whatever they call it nowadays! And he isn’t very good at it either! He just has Jerry say something memorable every few minutes!
Elaine: Who would do something like that? It’s so… overdone.
*Jerry looks off thinking for a second and scowls*
George: Would you shut up about Newman already! You’re playing right into his hands!
Elaine: Who’s hands?
George: The guy! The guy writing the script! Someone’s obviously making us say these things! Has anything you’ve said sounded natural?
*Jerry and Elaine look concerned*
Jerry: Georgie? You feeling okay?
Elaine: Yeah, you’ve been acting strange all of a sudden.
*George is visibly angry*
George: Am I the only one who hasn’t gone insane?! I mean, nothing adds up! Why isn’t Kramer here? It’s like he doesn’t exist! The guy who’s writing this must not know how to write dialogue for him or something! Maybe he ran out of catchphrases! *laughs crazily*
*Jerry takes a serious tone*
Jerry: George. You sound crazy. There’s nobody out there writing this. And if someone was, who cares? You’re alive and healthy. Just let it go.
George: *sighs* I guess you’re right Jerry. *laughs* It all seems pretty crazy when I think back on it now.
Elaine: Also, Kramer does exist. He just texted me he says ‘These pretzels are making me thirsty…‘
George: THAT’S IT! There’s no way that line is original! I could’ve sworn I heard that from Kramer before!
*Jerry dials a number on his phone and calls*
*Jerry and Elaine are outside of a mental hospital, George is being escorted inside*
Jerry: Of all the people, who’d a thunk George would crack like that?
Elaine: I know..
Jerry: Well, I should go.
Elaine: Me too.
*Jerry is on stage at a comedy club he frequents*
Jerry: You see the thing about independent script writers, they always lose interest right at the end. It’s of course because they aren’t getting paid to do it. But it’s like that with all things really. That’s why you never take a free hooker up on her offers.
*Freeze-frame on Jerry as the credits roll*