Tag Archives: friends

Life’s a Beach


The words filled the screen in an imposing red font. I tossed my controller onto the couch and sighed in frustration.

“What is it like to die in real life?”

Tiamat glanced up from his magazine flicked a forked tongue at me before responding with a sassy quip.

“Well, would you like to find out? I can kill you pretty quick.”

I chuckled, letting the implications slide off my back. I reasserted my question.

“I’d rather you just tell me. I mean, you’re a demon you’ve probably been to hell. What’s it like?”

Tiamat closed his reading material and set it down gingerly on the coffee table. Then he stood and removed his beanie to reveal his stubby horns. Most likely for dramatic effect.

“Imagine this- you’re at a beautiful beach but you forgot to bring sandals. As you walk to the water the sand burns your feet, its really painful. And no matter how much you walk you never seem to get any closer to the water. The whole time you’re thinking about how nice it would be if you could just reach it.”

I winced at the visualization in my mind. In video games I died so often. But it never really carried any weight with me. I wondered if my avatar went to hell for all the fucked up things I made him do.

“So that’s hell?” I asked.

“Nah that’s life, hell is making the same trek but you forgot your bathing suit and your legs have been chopped off.”

“Oh I see.” I gasped in understanding. “Life’s a beach and then you die, only to find yourself on another beach.”

Tiamat threw his beanie back on and nodded in agreement.

I tossed him the controller.

“Wanna see if you can beat my score?”

“Sure man.”

Thanks for reading!

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I kicked the empty soup can at my feet to my left. It clanked and clamored on the tarmac until it was abruptly stopped under Ian’s grubby boot. He glanced up at me and slicked back his black hair.

“You ready mate?”

“Aye, ya know it Ian.”

“Then let’s go already!”

Ian perfected his hairdo with a few light touches to the side of his head. Then snatched a pair of jingling keys from his trouser pocket. We loaded up in his bright red roadster and sped down the road. The wind instantly unfurled the careful grooming Ian had molded, but he didn’t seem to care. He had a wild smile as we drove out the familiar sights of the Dundee and ventured along the coast.

We we had dates to pick up.

The car’s brakes squealed as we pulled up to their house.

“Here we are, Barnhill!” Ian shuddered, “God man, kill me if I ever move out to the suburbs.”

I chuckled and nodded. Ian went back to reconstructing his hair. He fiddled for a few minutes before clapping his hands and pointing to the door of a cottage across the street.

“Shall we?”

I winked in agreement. “Rock n’ roll mate.”

We strutted across the street and knocked loudly on the door to a singsong pattern. A burly mustached man swung the door open. He eyed us up and down and mumbled to himself. I tapped my foot anxiously.

“Eh… Are Susie and Christine ready?”

The man scowled and slowly pivoted his head. “Girls! Two fuckwits are here ta pick ya up!”

Excited footsteps rumbled down the hallway. Soon two beautiful faces popped up behind either shoulder of the angry man. They giggled and ducked underneath his meaty arms.

“Bye Pa! Be home by nine!” They sang in unison.

Ian and I looked at each other and quickened our pace as we led the girls to the car. My heart beat like I had just robbed a bank. Their father still stood in the doorway, growling.

“Soo, its a roadster.” Ian explained. “There are only two seats yeah? You two are gonna have ta sit on our laps, and we need to do it fast so yer dad doesn’t have time to shoot us.”

The girls giggled excitedly to themselves and shook their heads.

“Three. Two. One.”

We broke out into a sprint to the car. jumped into our positions quickly, and started the engine before their father could protest. We laughed as we sped away.