Tag Archives: sleeping

Sleep

I opened my eyes reluctantly, hoping to hold on to my dreams a little longer.

While I slept I would roam the endless plains of North Dakota. Back to the freedom I once knew.

When I woke, I knew I would be returned to this nameless hellhole. My whole world was everything a 60 watt bulb could illuminate. My freedom, restricted by a chain link fence hooked up to a row of car batteries.

A pure darkness laid at the periphery of everything in my existence. Occasionally I could hear water dripping, but I tried not to fall into its hypnotic rhythm. Lest I slip into madness.

I never found out who had trapped me here, how it had happened, or why.

The only escape was to make it disappear. I tried- Forced myself to sleep.


REAL TALK

Depression is something I struggle with. Sometimes when I am content a voice from inside tries to convince me that it is just a dream, and I am destined to wake up to the reality that all the hope in the world was never real to begin with. I know that’s not true- but I can’t seem to escape it sometimes. The battle, at least for me is to remember that depression is the dream. It’s not real. And at some point I will wake up.

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A Dream Held Dear

“Outstanding! Truly outstanding!” The man boomed with a plastic smile.

I shifted my weight in anticipation. I had been losing sleep for months, wondering how this moment would play out.

The man adjusted his maroon sports coat and glanced at his clipboard. “I do believe we could find a spot in our January issue for your lovely home.”

I gave myself a mental high five. My house would be featured in Better Homes magazine! It was all I had ever hoped for since I was a child. It was always a dream that I held dear. And now it was happening.

“Thank you! Thank you so much!” I laughed with an overflowing joy.

A wry grin slithered slowly and deliberately onto the man’s face. His eyes darkened as he set the clipboard on the kitchen table and took off his glasses. 

“Of course, I will need something from you.” He placed his wrist over mine. “It all depends on how much you want it.”

My brain was struggling to process what was happening. It had all been so good a moment before, and now it was spiraling wildly out of control. I took a deep breath and collected my thoughts. I would proceed with a cool mind.

“I do want this. More than you know.”

The man chuckled to himself as he slid his arm around my shoulder. My stomach turned over as he led me down the hall.

“I’m glad we could come to an understanding.”