I had been walking for almost 40 minutes down Bowery with my eyes glued to my phone screen. A native New Yorker would have been there already, but I opted to tread cautiously. I did not want to risk getting hit by a car before being able to complete my pilgrimage.
As I approached the black awning I tried to picture the city in the 70’s. A stark contrast to the clean, gentrified street I found myself on. I pictured a crowd of misfits, banding together in the night, drawn to this place because of it’s dirty, raw energy.
It’s a high end clothing store now.
The only real thing left is writing on the concrete just outside the threshold of the door. It sits there like a grave. Punk is dead.
I release my breath and a wave of bittersweet endorphins muddle my brain. My fingers dance restlessly on the hardwood table. This is a weekly occurrence for me now.
Only one more month. Just have to push through.
School is all I’ve ever known and come December I will be graduated with a degree. Ready for the world’s open embrace- or lack thereof.
Nothing much will change, I’ll still have my same internship. I still have another 6 months on my lease. So why is it so scary? What is so unknown?
I have a theory- For my whole life I’ve had a purpose. To learn. Come December that goes away. And I am scared that in that little window of time without a purpose. The few months after school but before my career, I will lose myself.
I’m the first of this generation to graduate college. I really want this, I’m scared I won’t make it. I am so close, but I can feel myself wearing out. My end goal is an end to what I know and a plunge into the unknown. Who knows where life will take me?
All I know is that if I stumble I will eat myself alive.